Really. It's awful.
After an already roller-coaster week of writing emotions, do you really want to fall into the recesses of a thirteen year old's mind?
Here it goes... this is the paragraph "Hook" I wrote. (A "hook" is what a writer composes to tell someone in usually 25 words or less what their book is about).
Set in the late years of the nineteenth century, Ellen struggles to survive in the historical setting of Milwaukee, Wisconsin with its strong German ancestry. Responsible not only for herself, but her orphaned, mute brother, Ellen searches to uncover the history of her mother’s past. Her heart, broken and embittered by the tragic accident that took the lives of her family, must embark on a journey of healing and faith – learning that the Lord’s grace is sufficient.
Here's some excerpts ... because I know you're dying to see them:
"What I wouldn't give for a full mirror! Ellen moaned inwardly, turning the small hand mirror she held at different angles to survey her hair. She set it with a disgruntled thud on the small wash stand and set to work buttoning her new white blouse with the small lace collar. She had made it special for this evening when they attended the long awaited church social. As Ellen grasped the buttonhook and buttoned her brown shoes, she yearned for the gray ones she had seen in the mercantile window. She wanted to look her best, not quite understanding the urgency behind her thoughts. Still, she had to content herself with the old shoes she had worn every day for the last two years. Even though her toes were pinched, Ellen tried not to complain, for Mama and her older brother Kurt, did their very best to provide for the small family. If Papa had not died three years before of pneumonia, things may have been easier, but . . ."
Don't judge ... here's more:
"The ladies brought forth bolts of material from a side room and unrolled them enough to drape them across Ellen’s shoulder and beneath her chin. They nodded at the various colors. Pink seemed to be a popular one that they all, including Frau Bhaer, approved of. Pink! It’s so impractical! I’ve never worn pink. But, it’s so pretty! Ellen argued with herself, feeling as if she should be protesting instead of getting wrapped in the excitement of the moment. A bolt of gray silk was held to her face. Each lady clicked her tongue and Frau Shultz motioned the bolt to be taken away from Ellen. She, instead, reached for a green plaid bolt, and draped it across Ellen’s shoulder, then laid a delicate strip of handmade lace with it. She cocked Ellen’s head to the side with her hand, then back the other way. Finally, Frau Shultz nodded and whipped the material and lace from Ellen’s shoulder.“Perfect!” She surprised Ellen by exclaiming in English."
And one more:
Disbelief overcame Ellen and she sagged against the wall.
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” she asked in a whisper. Aunt Suzanne looked at her, her face the picture of defeat. “Yes, I am serious. I am not a good environment for you or especially, for Peter Frederick. Gretchen may have ripped this family apart, but she always had something I didn’t. You need to continue in the way of that something. That’s what your mother intended.”
“Mama had God, Aunt Suzanne. She had God.”
“It’s something I will never have.”
“But - you can. I - “
“Ellen, go. Tell Peter Frederick your good news and leave me be. I have wired my lawyer. You can be home within the month if you would like.”
Ellen could not help the smile that entered her eyes and brought her mouth into a wide grin. “I can go home?” she grew excited as the reality of what her aunt had said began to dawn.
Well, there you have it. Complete in all its horrific glory. No editing. Not even the formatting (with the exception of italics). It's scary to revisit your first book. But it's fun too. Like visiting an old friend.
SO tomorrow?? Tomorrow I'll introduce you to a 13 yr. old's writers kit ... one you can win. :) And guess what, I have joy today!! Do you??