Monday, November 4, 2013

Little Hands Move Big Mountains

Discouragement. We all face it. It comes in waves or it settles on our shoulders with the weight of coffin bearing it down. With discouragement comes the fear of death. Death of the physical, of the dream, of the lifestyle, of the hope.

I've been discouraged lately. I hide it well. Humor can mask mounds and mounds of self doubt and questioning. For me it usually finds its subject in the form of my dreams. I'm a dreamer and I've wished on so many Disney stars since I was a child that I know it's one massive marketing lie and nothing more. Tinkerbelle never graced my windowsill and my fairy godmother retired the year before I was born.

My dreams? Simple. To publish a book. But rejection letters who tell me my characters are weak or boring, and long lapses in silence from other agents who are either super busy or completely unimpressed with my book, make me start wondering ... how long do you chase a dream? When do you just ... stop. Not quit. No. Not throw in the towel. Just ... realize maybe this isn't what God designed for you? Maybe-- MAYBE--you're squandering time from some other mission He has in store?

So, in the car after church yesterday, I stuffed my Kokomo Jo and Peter Pan into their car seats to haul them to my parents. Daddy was busy at church. Life had sucked the energy from me. I think it's time ... to hang it up. It's a hobby, my writing, and that's it. Face it. After ten plus years, how much more clear does God have to make it.

I turned on Spotify so the kids could listen to music (and not ask questions) while I pity-partied in the driver's seat. Mighty to Save performed by Michael W. Smith came on. In the rear view mirror, I saw a flash. A flash of gray and yellow polka dot. My eyes could barely focus. There, buckled in her 5-point harnessed car set, sat Kokomo Jo, her right hand outstretched to the ceiling of the car singing, "You can move mountains, miiiiiighty to save, miiiiiighty to save. Author of salvation ..."

YOU TRY DRIVING AND NOT CRY when you see your 3 year old lost in joyful abandon. This picture is the closest I can find of one of her expressions that match her joy yesterday. (child on the right)

Author of salvation. Writing MY story. The MASTER WRITER! And here I am trying to read the ending before the middle has been written. I drove on, blinking back tears. It's not for me to determine time or place or right or wrong. If I am in God's will, there is no "wrong". My writing and pursuing publication isn't sacrificing my family or denying God or doing anything in opposition to where He has placed me. It also doesn't guarantee a published book. But God is USING conversation, to touch lives, to share HIS story ... so in the end, what IS a book bound and rotting with decay in eighty years in comparison to what He's doing with my writing right now, in me, in others, in my friendships with Anne and other dear hearts.

He is mighty to save us from ourselves and set our feet on a ROCK. No guarantees other than He will move the evidenced by a little hand waving in praise and a little voice hollering out her words of insatiable, contagious praise.

Check it out for yourself today:


Jaime Wright - 

Writer of Historical Romance stained with suspense. Youth leader. Professional Coffee Drinker. Works in HR and specializes in sarcasm :)

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  1. Exactly what I needed this morning Jaime. ;)

  2. I needed to read this today! Just opened up a very honest rejection that made me doubt myself and my story. Ouch.

    1. Awwww, I hate those honest rejections. Had one myself shortly before this happened!! I hear ya!!

    2. Awww Julie! Perfect post for that. Hugs.

  3. Love this and you. So needed to hear this.

  4. I know you (and Anne) have touched more lives with your stories and heartfelt talks here on your blog than you even realize. God has given you a gift to talk to us here and help us through our lives! You seem to know how to touch us with your honesty and love for God. Don't stop that! We treasure both of you and thank you for reminding us our first priority is God and the family he has given us.
    I had an opportunity to start something new a while back - prayed and searched - I asked a wise friend for advice and she said to me "You ARE doing what God has meant for you to do - raising your kids as soldiers of the cross. (I homeschool) Keep doing that - in this culture it is even more important we instill the love of Him in them and teach them. Don't for one minute think you aren't doing anything important - you are raising PEOPLE, God has blessed you." It made me cry and I knew it was the answer I needed.

    1. Wow Susan, and Gail. I'm so humbled by your admonishment to continue what we do here. Wow. Thanks for the invaluable feedback. And yes, your work may feel unending--but so important.

    2. I second what Anne said and in return, our readers are becoming such a special part of our lives! What a neat thing God has done connecting people over the miles.

  5. I think all of us have felt this way at one time or another. I just had a rough few weeks myself. But you're so right...God is writing OUR story. Our life is not about our writing. Instead, our writing should inspire our life, bring us closer to God. Hard to remember sometimes in the midst of discouragement, but such an important truth!

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  7. I hate that word "hobby". It's so easy to go there, to diminish something by calling it a "hobby" (or allowing other people to do so) when it's really a dream worth wholeheartedly pursuing. Forget you, hobbies! Girl's got dreams.


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