Monday, September 2, 2013

Failure of Faith

Faith. It's a difficult word in an even more difficult world. As aspiring authors, we walk the journey of faith just to press "send" and release our word-child into the atmosphere of agent/editor criticism and scrutiny. I'm willing to place a pretty firm guess that the criticism we receive, however constructive, is stinging merely because we want so badly to find perfection in the journey of faith.

Perfection. It's definitely not in me. I found that out this morning when I looked in the mirror and had mascara tracks lining my lower lids like a football player's charcoal painted bottom-eye sun-shield. Only mine didn't have John 3:16 meticulously added in white. So if I'm not perfect, how can my faith be?

Failure. So I must be a failure of faith. That silence in my email inbox must mean they hate my writing, worse - me? Maybe my personality communicated something too quirky, too sarcastic, too timid ... nah ... strike the timid part, that's not me. Maybe the fact that 10,000 of my prayers regarding my life seem to go unanswered is simply because I'm a failure of perfect faith.

Help. Yep. I need it. Because the lies that get force fed into my brain from my psyche and other influences stunt the growth of a simple faith meant to be boosted by a powerful Savior like Joshua and Aaron held up Moses' arms for the Israelites.

Faith was never meant to be a solo journey. Like my 16 month old son grasps my finger with a white-knuckled grip as he totters down the hallway on unsteady legs, so I must grab hold of Jesus' finger ... hand ... sheesh - PERSON! ... and be carried down the hallway of life on a strength of faith gifted to me by a God who looks past the error-filled manuscript of my life, teaches me how to correct those errors, chuckles at my odd little personality, and most of all - doesn't see me as a failure. His own blood covered that - so - it's a done deal.

So as I walk in faith today, big things like agents/editors who are so HUGE and imposing just at the mere thought of them, become human like me. Humans who really just want to help ... and the other 10,000 unanswered prayers? Jesus' has them handled - He's just not sharing the answer with me. Not yet ... but He will ...


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Jaime Wright - 

Writer of Historical Romance stained with suspense. Youth leader. Professional Coffee Drinker. Works in HR and specializes in sarcasm :)

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8 comments:

  1. Amen, Jaime! HE certainly will be sharing them with you.

    Happy Labor Day!

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  2. Ditto. And you are an awesome Joshua & Aaron to others--especially me. I pray I hold you up as well. That's what is so awesome about writers in the Christian publishing industry. Also, I'm quite certain that agents and editors are just looking for the cream of the crop--but praying with trembling knees that they will know the person they are to rep when God taps their hearts. I'm on a search committee at church right now, and it's a humbling thing to be on the selection and discerning end of a process like that--I'm sure it feels somewhat the same to agents and editors who desire to serve God and further the Kingdom in this darkened world!

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    1. Major edit error: **AREN'T** just looking for the cream of the crop! ;)

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    2. AMEN!!! And this is why we can enter our agent-quest with such confidence. God will pair us up with the best for US and HIS glory! :) (you ARE my Joshua, btw!)

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  3. Wow, I love this, Jaime. I've had some amazing Joshua and Aaron's in my life these past few weeks--especially my family. I've felt a little like a flop, getting so far behind on so many to-dos. My family swooped in last week to help...and I'm beyond overwhelmed with gratefulness! I love, too, that God is our ultimate Helper...I need to remember to turn to him more rather than trying to just push forward on my own.

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    1. Isn't it a fantastic feeling when you get overwhelmed by Joshua and Aaron's coming out of the woodwork. It's a blessing! (BTW, Your book is sitting on my counter. Next on my TBR list!!!!!! :)

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  4. Agreed, ladies! You're always on the winning team (even when the rewards aren't immediately apparent) - when we allow the Lord to be in control, whether it be agents, or search committees.

    Blessings to you both!

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