Wednesday, June 19, 2013
How to Lose Like a Loser
I drove to work confident though. I was confident in one thing: today the Genesis writing contest from ACFW that I semi-finaled would come to fruition and I'd know I'd lost.
Now all those stories of keeping your chin up, dreaming on stars (which are really burnt out orbs so what does that tell you?), and being confident--it's a bunch hooey. When you know, you know. Really. You just know.
Jessica Patch started it when I received my line edits back (after I'd entered the contest) and realized I had the punctuation and grammar talent of third grader. I don't blame Jessica. I blame my mother. I was homeschooled. I knew I'd get docked and docked hard for that. And my opening line was cool, complimentary in fact, but boring. Yep. That wouldn't impress hard to please judges.
And then there was the plain and simple fact that...I was okay with losing. Not in a defeatist sort of way. I mean, if you follow my FB page you know I was practically having panic attacks waiting for a phone call that I finaled. But I was really ok with losing.
I came in to writing for two reasons: I love it--passionately. I want to do it for God's glory. No. I don't want to preach a sermon in my book. I don't have a God-given message heralded from the sky. I don't even believe God told me I'd be published someday.
I just want to live my life for His glory because without Jesus, it's all worthless.
So even though the day started out rotten, I wasn't really being a pessimist as much as I was just content to be where God took me.
The morning turned out to be amazing. I had coffee with a sweetheart of a girl, Jill, who practically lived at our house through her highschool days and is now ... cough ... married. (I'm really NOT that old). Nate (my husband) joined us and it was there I received the email that I was a loser. A few tears, sure, but overall, I left that coffee shop with blessing. My phone started beeping with encouragements from Jessica Patch, Lindsay Harrel, Laurie Tomlinson (those two finaled--so excited for them!), Julie Jarnigan, Gabrielle Meyer, Olivia Newport and my beloved Anne-girl. Even my husband told me he still loved me, even if I was a loser. Sure I drowned any remaining sorrow in piles of ice cream that afternoon, but hey -- we ALL look for excuses to do that!
Can it get any better? To know you're EXACTLY where God wants you to be, in the exact moment, the exact place, with the exact people?