Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Derailed! A hospital, a seizure, and a "Be Still"

PSA: A few things are changing around here! We're restructuring our blog posts to Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays! Most of the time, I'll be posting the first week of the month, Erica the second, Anne, the third, Gabrielle the fourth, and if there's any sort of a fifth week, we'll have special guests!! It may change up here and there, but that's the gist! Whadda think?

Also, WINNER of Jennifer Delamere's "The Captain's Daughter" is Gail Hollingsworth!!!

Now, on to our post . . . 


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Last Wednesday was NOT at all what I'd planned. Of course, you all should know by now, that to manage my time at a full time job and writing novels, I am a planner. I haven't mastered the system of those cute calendars and task books, but it's mostly all in my head and pretty well scheduled out. Back to back. With a little room for error, but definitely NOT room for a hospital stay.

What started out as me wondering if my coffee addiction had finally caught up with me, ended with my Admin Assistant calling my doctor and my husband, my co-worker half carrying me to the car, a trip to the clinic which transferred me to ER, which transferred me to a larger hospital, which slapped me in a hospital bed to "stay put".

Apparently, I'm human, a trait I sometimes forget. *insert sticking-out-tongue-rolling-eyes-emoticon-here*

To save you all the sordid details, in short, I was derailed from normal life by "non-epileptic" seizures. I still have various symptoms, and don't worry, more testing to come but it was unanimously ruled by the neurologists that I do, in fact, have a brain. (Unlike Dorothy's scarecrow).

I have learned one thing, very quickly, in the past few days, and it sounds awful when I first say it, so keep reading and allow me to explain: I don't owe anyone anything.

Sounds horribly selfish, right? The phrase filled my mind as I sat on my deck on Saturday, in a reclining chair, with my cat Ivy, and Lori Benton's newest book "Many Sparrows". It wasn't that I
was over-committed, or that I felt I had a zillion things to do, it was the fact that while sitting in that chair, unable to do much of anything, the world kept . . . wait for it . . . spinning. That's right, folks. Take Jaime out of the equation and whaddya know! Life went on.

My husband and kids still breathed and probably ate better since my mother-in-law did the cooking. My friends were actually all right with the fact that my response time on social media dropped substantially from every 20 seconds to every 12 hours. The house needed vacuumed but it didn't explode into shrapnel. My cats thought me lounging around the deck with a fluffy blanket was perhaps the nicest thing since they invented soft cat food.

I think sometimes I fool myself in some subconscious, unintended source of pride, that I owe people . . . well, that I owe them ME. Every element of me. Even my kids should have 120% of me. Hold nothing back. My mom said ever since I was a child I loved with a ridiculously heightened sense of "all of me". It was my duty to guard, protect, serve, entertain, love, care, and support those I loved. Oddly, I'm not a people-pleaser so much as a people-protector, if that makes sense? I can say "no" like nobody's business, but if I feel those around me are threatened or need direction, I strap on my Tim-the-Toolman Belt of Fix-It and off to the workshop I go.

I don't owe anyone anything. Not because I need to focus on me, myself and I. But because, frankly, God didn't anoint me as the fourth part of the Trinity (which would make it a Quad, which would just be a weird spiritual connotation). God didn't give me some Master of the Universe tool-belt. He gave me abilities, to be used wisely, and now, He has forced me to rest.

Meh. Not a fan.

But here I am, feet up on the couch since 4 pm this afternoon, taking *gasp* an HOUR to write one blog post when I usually do them in 20 minutes. Sigh.

Fine. I don't know what's wrong with me physically, except dying has been ruled out--at least for the time being. But I do know, God has somehow heightened my awareness that HE wants to be the fixer. So for the time being, I'm hanging up my tool-belt. I'll use it now again, but I'm going to rest. Write. Work. Be a friend. Be a wife. Be a mother. But not be everything.

I don't even know if that makes sense, since my  brain is in a fog.

Have you guys ever struggled with being a "Fixer"?




Jaime Jo Wright
Professional coffee drinker & ECPA/Publisher's Weekly best-selling author, Jaime Jo Wright resides in the hills of Wisconsin writing spirited turn-of-the-century romance stained with suspense. Coffee fuels her snarky personality. She lives in Neverland with her Cap’n Hook who stole her heart and will not give it back, their little fairy TinkerBell, and a very mischievous Peter Pan. The foursome embark on scores of adventure that only make her fall more wildly in love with romance and intrigue.

Jaime lives in dreamland, exists in reality, and invites you to join her adventures atjaimejowright.com.

Web site: www.jaimejowright.com 
Facebook: www.facebook.com/jaimejowright
Twitter: www.twitter.com/jaimejowright 
Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/jaimejowright 
Instagram: www.Instagram.com/jaimejowright 
Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/author/show/13916081.Jaime_Jo_Wright

34 comments:

  1. I'm praying you get the rest you need to recover! Yes, like you, I'm a fixer. I want to make sure everyone is okay. It's something I've been trying to work on, but I think I need to try a lithe harder. I have to remind myself that it's God's place, not mine. :)

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    1. Amen!! It's a gift and a curse, sometimes

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  2. Oh I needed this today! Praying for you, sweet friend!

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  3. Jamie, I am praying you get a diagnosis. It's not easy to go from being "in control" of everything to being made to rest. Years ago, I was that person, class mom, school volunteer, multiple church activities, chief cook and bottle washer as the saying goes. At 31 I landed in the hospital with my heart jiggling in my chest instead of beating normally. Life forever changed.
    Praying for your family too.

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    1. They're good changes along with some nervousness. But I appreciate your prayers AND your testimony!

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  4. What a great post, Jaime! Praying for you and your team as y'all figure this out.

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  5. Boy, can I relate! LOL I struggle with the exact same thing which is probably why we're friends. LOL I"m sure glad you're not dying. :) And so glad more tests are forthcoming! Rest! Read! And drink coffee. :)

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    1. No wonder we "get" each other so well!!! Resting, reading, and drinking (smaller) amounts of coffee <3

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  6. Your honesty is always inspiring. Praying for you! Maybe decaf coffee from now on? ;)

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  7. WOW! God's timing. I'm selfish here when I say I think you wrote this just for me! And you don't even know me! "But not be everything." Whew! I really don't have to do everything. What is that saying...You can do anything, but not everything....I'll be still now. I'm sorry you are not well physically, but be assured...Your brain is working just fine. I will pray guidance for your medical team. Blessings on your day today. Warmly,

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    1. Awwww, so glad it helped. It's a journey, isn't it???

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  8. So sorry you are going through this Jaime, but I know that God has a plan in what has happened and will work all to your good. I know so well how difficult it is to "relinquish the reins", slow down, and admit you're physically unable to continue accomplishing all you once did. Prayers for doc knowledge, peace, rapid diagnosis, and healing, etc.. Love and hugs!!

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    1. I know you do!!! You are the Queen of Encouragement!! love you, sweet one!

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  9. It seems more people I know are getting the "Be Still" message from God lately! I agree - we all need that message. My preacher just had a sermon Sunday about rest and sleep. It basically said we all NEED to "Be Still"! Honestly I don't have a problem being still, most of the time. (don't get me wrong, I fail at this, too!) I love to sit and watch the world around me. I love to sit and watch my kids, watch nature, people watch. My hubby on the other hand thinks I'm insane and cannot sit still for one minute! LOL. I know you always give 110% and I bet your body has hit its limit. Don't for ONE second worry about us - we will still be here no matter how long you take to rest!!! PLEASE rest and don't think of us at all. ;) We will just be quietly reading books. I am so glad you are ok and updated us, though! I will keep praying.

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    1. YAY for book reading!! Yes. I think this weekend I'm hitting "unplug" from the Internet for a week. I might implode, we'll see. <3

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  10. Im definitely a fixer also! I love to help people and be there for them when needed, Problem is that I always put myself on the back burner. Im trying to be better about not only fixing and helping others, but also myself. Prayer and hugs to you Jaime! Thinking of you always!

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  11. I am so glad you are doing better. And I totally relate. I'm a protector, as well, and lately I've been learning more and more about faith--that it means TRUSTING GOD with all these things we want to fix. Because He is so much more powerful than I could ever be and He will make everything right in the end, even things I feel are dreadfully WRONG down here, you know? Praying for your continued health!!!

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  12. Praying for you, friend. That's so scary, but know that God has you! And you don't owe me anything!

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    1. I know :) So thankful for your friendship! <3

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  13. Tough way to learn a very vital lesson! Thank you for sharing this with us, I know you're not the only one who is learning this. ;) I'm glad you're doing a bit better, but still praying for you, friend!

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  14. Oh honey!!
    Trust me, when they say REST, they mean rest. And a heap of it. I'm so sorry you're going through this. But glad that you can see God's lessons in it.

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  15. I pray the doctors will discover what is wrong and that it won't be anything very serious. Seeing the lessons God is teaching you as you rest just might be the purpose of this imposed rest. Blessings to you.

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  16. You may need a new book out I got recently called Killing Wonder Woman!
    My mailman had a problem with his shoulder that needed surgery (maybe from all those books I order?) but he didn't want to take off work. Three or four weeks later we saw a substitute mail carrier and asked where our regular guy was. We were told he had a heart attack and after a stay in ICU was transferred to Birmingham to their hospital. I told my husband that was probably the only way God could slow him down because the shoulder thing didn't work. Stubborn. Take care of yourself Jaime. Glad you are heeding the advice to slow down. Praying for answers for you.

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    1. Eeeeek!!!!! I do fool myself into thinking I'm invincible.

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  17. Will be praying for you Jamie! God bless!

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