Tuesday, June 23, 2015

How to Be A Hater


I have learned to hate.

Hate is a driving force that spurs me to action, opinion, and determination. Weirded out yet? Yeah. I guess that’s not your typical opening statement for an inspirational blog. .But hate — in the correct context — can make a lot of sense.

Paul the Apostle stated it best when he said: “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” (Romans 7:15 ESV)

I do the very thing that I hate. There is so much of my sinful self that I have come to despise. My impatience is one of them. When I have projects to complete, I become driven — focused — and my kids suffer. The other night Kokomo Jo was following me close on my heels, like a needy little puppy dog. I turned and snapped “go watch Strawberry Shortcake!”

Like really — what kid doesn’t want their mother to tell them to watch TV? The look in her big baby blues just about killed me. Sadness. Mommy didn’t want her help, or her prancing on tiptoes singing. Mommy was too busy. She hung her head and without question returned to her banishment on the couch and the cheerful cartoons went over her head as she buried her face in her Blanky.

I have come to hate the darkness inside of me.

“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.” (Romans 7:18 ESV)

As humanity, we have formed a culture that fights for the right to act on our fleshly impulses. It is an attitude of entitlement. But as Paul defines, those impulses are “nothing good”. Strangely enough, in our fight for human rights, we have also fought for the right to damage, wound, impale, break, and scar those around us. For sin does not only affect ourselves. It does not only affect our relationship to God. It touches others in a rippling effect of pain.

“I have the desire to do what is right…” — I do. I really do. “…but not the ability to carry it out.” 

Failure. Morbid utter condemnation.

“Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24-25a ESV)

I stared at my daughter while I was consumed with hatred for the sin inside of me that caused me to selfishly snap at my child, wounding her spirit of joy and creating even a smidgeon of doubt that I wanted her presence in my life.

“Are you mad at me, honey?”

She nodded.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered it. She turned and her cheeks stretched into a smile. Sitting up, she patted my knee with all the motherly love she could muster.

“It’s okay, Momma.”

She understood. Why? Because she’s already been there too. In her own tiny sinful self, she knows what it’s like to wound. She knows what it’s like to ask forgiveness.

Thanks be to God … to Jesus Christ our Lord … for in and of myself, I will continue to wound, to scar, to walk in darkness. But in Jesus, I find life, healing, strength, and the ability to claim His victory over my sinful self.

I have learned to love. I have learned to love life — and the righteousness found therein.

What have you learned to hate about your old nature and/or what new character has God recently taught you?

______________________________________________

Jaime Wright -
"The Cowgirl's Lasso", Coming 2016, Barbour Publishing

Spirited and gritty turn-of-the-century romance stained with suspense. Youth leader.Professional Coffee Drinker. Works in HR and specializes in sarcasm :)

- Represented by: Books & Such Literary Agency

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3 comments:

  1. Sobering post! Our enemy wants to keep us sin conscious. We must be GOD conscious. I have a tendency to focus on my short comings quite often. I lean upon His Grace to finish my race strong. Jaime, I am praying you have a better week. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

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  2. One of the good things that has occurred through some serious health issues of my own (prompting my retirement and a number of huge adjustments), and those of other family members, in the last few years - has been developing a deeper gratitude for my many blessings and less taking things/people for granted, the ability to more fully concentrate on the things I have rather than the things I don't, and the things I can do - rather than the things I can't. A greater appreciation for the little things in life, a better sense of priorities and the truly important things, the ability to better relate to the needs of others and the desire to reach out/help. All of which lead to a deeper relationship with God - there will always be things to learn; being human, I am a "work in progress". Thanks for the reminder and your transparency, Jaime!!

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    Replies
    1. Greater appreciation .... so true!!!

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