Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Open up - And Eat the Cheesecake

I'm thinking more and more about registration opening for the upcoming writer's conference Anne and I will attend in September. It had me perusing old blog posts from my first conference. When I saw this one, I had to laugh. So, I'm caving and posting it (written in 2009 when I was six months pregnant with Kokomo Jo and the year ANNE AND I FIRST MET!)... does any one relate to my social faux pas -- in ANY arena? :)*** 
 Ok, so we all have our social faux pas that we tend to make at social events with social people where you're supposed to be social and not faux-pas-ing. Enter Jaime's first year at the ACFW Conference. I was more than confident in my ability to wander into a hotel alone, knowing no one, and find my way to my room ... ahem.
Faux Pas #1: Never ASSUME anything. After searching the Marriot Tech Center for roughly - oh - 10 min - I still couldn't find my room. I could find an elevator, yes, but for this seasoned traveller (not kidding) it didn't occur to me that Room #314 might just possibly be on the 3rd floor. However, in my defense, there was more than one elevator, more than one "tower" of rooms, and goodness knows pregnant women lose 8% of brain function, so cut me a break. I finally had to get an escort from the front desk to take me to my room. She was rather patronizing. She even inserted the key card into the lock for me. Sheesh. Do I have "Stupid" written on my forehead? DON'T! answer that.
 
Faux Pas #2: Never greet a fellow blogger that you've not met in person with a - "I knew it was you because you were so tall!"   One, consider the effect that may have on a fellow blogger who believes you've never seen them in person. How would a virtual "friend" know you were tall? Creepy. I'm suprised Jessica didn't whack me over the head and scream, "Stalker!" Secondly, who wants to be identified by a physical feature - even if it is one of their best. That's like someone saying to, "JAIME!! I knew it was you because of your rather large posterior!" - and for the record, that's NOT one of my best features.

Faux Pas #3: When trying to "reach out" and touch someone. Know who you're talking to. I saw a woman standing alone. Awww. I bet she feels like I do. I reached out --she was nice, although looked at me a tad odd.

What? You're lonely. I'm trying to welcome you. Are you a writer? Oh. You're an author. Ok. Have you been here before? No. Oh. Neither have I. What's your name? So nice to meet you.


Great conversation, until you Google the author and find out she's a primary, major speaker at Women of Faith conferences, uber famous, and ridiculously well versed in socializing. Yeah. She didn't need me to reach out -- she was probably seeking a desperate moment of solace and I busted in. BUT, my lovely, wonderful, sweet Kim Cash Tate! You've become a great friend and I so love your encouragment to me and your friendship.

Faux Pas #4: When trying to make a good impression on an agent, do not - may I repeat - do not steal their chair and and eat their cheesecake. A contract will most likely not ensue from that conversation. However, may I just ask, how was I supposed to know the "universal" sign for saving a chair for an agent is a black napkin tossed over the back of a chair? Who does that anyway? Tip the chair over, put a purse in it, a plate of butter ... anything! A whoopee cushion would've made the point better than a black napkin. AND, may I also add, that having a published author point out I was in the agent's chair and then stare at me down their nose as though I was a delinquent, rebellious child was rather ... demeaning. So I puffed out my pregnant belly and stood, graciously picking up my plate of food and saying, "I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I'll find another place to sit." AND THEN!! It hit me. There was a dessert plate of pre-designated cheesecake. How much did I really like Chip MacGregor? Considering I hadn't yet totally abandoned his chair, was consuming his food and was now staring at his cheesecake? Not much. I reached for the cheesecake - contract schmontract, this is cheesecake people!!

For the record, it was a great conference ... the cheesecake was simply delicious! :)

What social faux pas have you committed? :) Regale us on this Super Tuesday! :)
 
______________________________________
 
 
Jaime Wright -

Writer of Historical Romance stained with suspense. Youth leader. Professional Coffee Drinker. Works in HR and specializes in sarcasm :)





6 comments:

  1. Aww, LOL, and that's why I love you. So human, so honest, so funny. You make me smile.

    Laughing, snickering deliriously under our breath about dead bodies in a historical fiction all through Chip's moderation of the agent panel?

    Calling my children to say good night before the conference dinner; planning ahead so I had plenty of time, only to find the only chair left was between Chip MacGregor and Doc Hensley. Not sure it was a Faux Pas, but I had no idea who he was, yet enjoyed a nice evening visiting about all sorts of things, Oxford University mainly as I recall. (how does Chip end up in most of our stories??)

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    1. And poor Chip doesn't know he's on our blog, or us from Adam, or ... poor, poor man. :P

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  2. LOL. These are too funny. I've definitely said some stupid stuff at conferences. I asked a well-known author her name in front of a big group of people and they all looked at me like I was from another planet for not knowing who she was. I also asked an agent if she'd ever heard of a certain line of books. Then I remembered I was talking to an agent and started backtracking like an idiot. "Of course you know what it is. You're an agent. I didn't mean to suggest...blah...blah...blah...Julie, please stop talking." Ha!

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    1. blah, blah, blah ... yes the words of our lives at conferences! :) LOL

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  3. You crack me up, girl!! I've only been to one conference, so not much chance to commit too many mistakes. It helped that I clung to my CP practically the whole time since she'd been before. :P

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  4. I'm afraid I won't stop giggling all week in Indy 2013! :)

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