Monday, April 22, 2013

Being Still Never Suited Me

"You can't mess up God's plan for you". It was posted on my Facebook last night as I moaned and groaned about the horrific choice I had before me. Picking Agent appointments. Ugh. As the registration for only the BIGGEST CHRISTIAN WRITER'S event slaps me in the face today by opening WAY earlier than I was ready ... I sat and quivered, quaked, and finally curled into a ball and rocked back and forth.

What agent? An editor? Should I meet with an editor? No. An agent. I need an agent. Wait. But what if--no. I like this agent. She's cool. But approachable. I could probably just give her a huge hug in the hallway and she'd smile back and not think I was odd. I like this agent. He's ... scary. Tall too. Scary tall. There's censor in his eyes. I wonder if he eat rocks for breakfast?

"You can't mess up God's plan for you." Huh? Really? Did He calculate in me NOT picking the agent HE wanted me to pick? Sigh. What IS God's plan? AND WHY DOESN'T HE SHARE IT WITH ME?

When I finished hyperventilating like a little girl, I decided to search out Scripture. Of course, I'm led to the one verse that drives me nuts. "Be still and know that I am God."

Being still. It's not me. C'mon. I practically bleed coffee. Do you really think I can sit still? I'm not A.D.D. I have a long attention span actually, but I'm impatient, I need to have a plan, I need to keep thinking, striving. Being still. Dumb idea. SLAP! I sorta like it when God back slaps my head. It stuns me into silence. I can almost hear Him. "Jaime. Shut. Up."
KNOW that I AM ... it's what He called Himself to Moses at the burning bush and to Pharoah who was encompassed by gods. I AM. Top of the pyramid, so to speak. I AM the ONLY God. None other exist.

God's got this. The same God who parted the Red Sea, crushed the walls of Jericho, and rose from the dead ... he tells ME to "Be still" ... He's attentive to me, loves me, cherishes me, and knows me. "Know that I am God."

The end. Nothing more to say.  So I enter today with a registration complete, agent requests sent, and a heart knowing that God will do amazing things...I just need to be still and watch Him work in ways I never imagined.

10 comments:

  1. Why the worry? You can always just stalk all the others. There's nothing an agent likes more than to discover someone has followed them to their hotel room late at night and is standing on their doorstep at 6am ready and eager to pitch ;-)

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    1. Uh huh. Yeah. Right. That'd be me. Coffee in hand ;)

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  2. I totally feel you on this one! Just had a moment like that this morning in praying for something unrelated to writing. I like to be in control and know what's going to happen. But that doesn't leave room for God to work.

    I can tell you this...in the short time I've been in this business, I've gotten connections with agents and editors that I certainly didn't plan. At all. God did that. And he'll lead you--and probably surprise you--too!

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  3. Love this. I'm usually so prepared before registering for conference. This year, I had to wing it. Ack! Too many decisions. Such a great post to remind us to keep our eyes on Him!

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  4. I'm excited for what God has in store for you, you wild and fidgety chick! :)

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